


Benefit of the Doubt

by ARuzeks



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: 8x03, Angst, Child Loss, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Friendship / Flirting / Thinking of You Fest, Grief/Mourning, Soulmates, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-18
Updated: 2021-01-18
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:20:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28836225
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ARuzeks/pseuds/ARuzeks
Summary: Makayla has to stay another night with domestic Burzekalso known as: Kim & Adam discuss what it means to be parenting together following their loss
Relationships: Kim Burgess & Adam Ruzek, Kim Burgess/Adam Ruzek
Comments: 2
Kudos: 41





	Benefit of the Doubt

**Author's Note:**

> I've spent years crying over Adam Ruzek's love for Kim Burgess, this time I just tried to turn those feelings into words. 8x03 was a gift to my broken (but healing) Burzek heart - I hope y'all enjoy me processing it

“She’s out,” Kim made sure the door to her bedroom was cracked before padding into the living room where Adam was cleaning the remnants of the pizza they’d had for dinner. She tossed herself onto the couch, feeling the tension in her muscles for the first time that day. The adrenaline of the last few days was officially beginning to wear off, and she was exhausted; mentally and physically. She’d had Makayla ready to go with her cousin from Minneapolis, a new suitcase purchased from the local Walmart stuffed with every stuffed animal Adam thought a little girl may like. The bear, however, she’d refused to pack. It remained tightly clutched in Makayla’s small hands. 

It turned out that the emotional buildup of preparing to say goodbye to the child that had so greatly impacted Kim was for nothing when Makayla’s cousin’s flight was cancelled due to the blizzard currently engulfing Chicago. The weather put the entire airport at a stand-still, and Adam, Kim, and Makayla found themselves snowed in Kim’s apartment. 

Adam finished loading the dishes into the dishwasher before landing on the couch beside Kim, handing her an opened beer. “I can’t believe how expensive those damn baby monitors are,” he mumbled in response.

Kim eyed him as she took a drink. The only way they could get Makayla to relax was by buying a baby monitor with the video feature to ensure her they would watch her the entire time she slept. Adam had also made her as cozy as possible, purchasing a new princess bed set, matching pajamas for the three of them, and 4 different variations of night lights. Kim wanted to poke fun at him for being so impulsive with his spending, but watching him excitedly show Makayla all of the surprises he’d found her for their “slumber party” softened her more than she’d care to admit.

“You doin’ okay? With all this?” 

Kim crinkled her brow, “What do you mean?”

“The whole… sudden parenting thing,” Adam continued. There was always something about the way he looked at her. Kim was a confident woman in relation to her decisions and lifestyle, but she kept her emotions close to her vest. As a woman working in the Chicago Police Department, she refused to be viewed as “emotional” in any capacity. Especially after the year she’d had, Kim learned to contain her emotions until she was alone and safe enough to feel them. But Adam saw right through her. When he looked at her, he truly saw her, in a way she hadn’t experienced with anyone else. In moments like these, on her patched sofa in the living room lit by the buildings shining through the window, or in the moments where she felt him gazing at her across the bullpen or searching her for injuries at a scene, eyes a different shade of concern, he always saw her. He knew what she was feeling and he responded in the perfect compliment to her need.

“I wouldn’t call it parenting,” she tried to brush it off, “babysitting may even be a stretch.”

He scoffed, “Kim. You found that girl in her most vulnerable moment and have kept her safe and taken care of since that day. Give yourself some credit.”

She rolled her eyes, but had to take a drink to hide the small smile that she couldn’t hold back. “Well, I couldn’t have done any of it without you. Thank you.”

“Aw, please,” he shrugged it off, but Kim could see the tiny flush of pink appear on his cheeks. “It was nice. She’s a good kid.”

“Yeah, she is,” Kim agreed. “I’m okay. I guess it does make you think… about what it would’ve been like.”

Although she kept her gaze focused forward at the turned-off TV, Kim could feel Adam looking at her. They hadn’t talked much about the baby they’d lost. Adam would make comments occasionally, testing the waters and trying to show Kim that she could talk about it if she wanted, but she brushed him off every time. It was just too painful. Besides the few times she’d broken down about the loss, Kim worked to keep her mind busy enough to keep it all on the backburner. If she wasn’t thinking about it, it didn’t hurt. But seeing the way Adam lit up showing her the Frozen tea party set he bought for Makayla? The way he tried to sing along to the movie despite never seeing it before? Twirling around the room with her listening to his favorite dance playlist while Kim prepared a bath? There was no backburner - her lost child she shared with Adam Ruzek was front and center on her mind.

He broke her out of her stupor with a hand running along her hair, naturally sensing her need for comfort. “I know. Seeing you like this, though.. You’ve got it down, darlin’.”

Kim’s eyes flickered toward his, “Thanks, Adam.”

They looked at each other for a burning moment. Whether it was a long car ride, a stakeout in the back of the van, or holding each other in the station locker room, Adam and Kim had plenty of conversations without saying a word. This was one of them. The slipped pet name, the way Adam’s hand lingered behind Kim on the back of the couch, the glint of tears quickly blinked away in her eyes. It didn’t need to be spoken; the pain of the loss combined with the love that forever connected them was palpable. 

“I’m with you, ya know?” Adam broke the silence. “If you wanna go through with that OB appointment, if you wanna try for a baby, if you wanna foster or adopt or never see another kid again… I’m with you.”

Kim closed her eyes, but not fast enough to stop the solitary tear that slipped down her cheek. A big thing Kim felt she’d lost after the attack was the inner-peace she used to have. Being a flight attendant and then moving to Chicago to become a police officer in the biggest change of her life, she’d kept her self-care as a major priority. Being alone so often during that transition, she’d found what kept her grounded and motivated. That had been completely shattered by the time Adam lifted her out of that bath tub.

Now, she was finding that the peace was back in a different form. Her peace had become Adam. Holding her hand when she sat in silence, unable to find words. Making her coffee so she could take an extra long shower in the morning. Squeezing her shoulder as he passed by while they were working on a difficult case. Facilitating conversations with her mother and sister when it was too heavy for her to hold on her own. Knowing without fail, in her bones, that Adam was genuine when he said he was with her.

“I know,” she whispered, wiping her cheek, “I just need time.” Fueled more by her emotion than her logic, Kim cupped Adam’s face in her hand. She brushed his cheek with her thumb, “Knowing you’re here, having you with me… You have no idea how much it means.”

He smiled softly, leaning into her soft touch. “I do. I need it too, Kim. We’re still a family, even without little bean.”

She removed her hand from his face but grabbed his empty hand in hers, “Just don’t give up on me.”

“Never gonna happen.”


End file.
